Lost, Never Found Again
by kokokandy
Summary: This is a story of a boy and how everything was stripped away from him until there was only a monster left. A series of drabbles on the tragic and bittersweet moments on Kaneki's life, starting from his very first tragedy. Please R&R!
1. (Not) Ordinary

_Ordinary_

* * *

Kaneki Ken is at his primary, the teacher droning on about some math he already knows. The day couldn't be more ordinary.

The teacher is talking about some assessment or examination. Kaneki could care less.

All he wants to do at the moment is go home.

The bell rings.

Salvation.

* * *

 _Key_

* * *

Kaneki finally reaches his house. Or more accurately, the front door of his house.

It's locked.

Sighing, he shoves his hand into his pocket and fumbles for the key.

He finally finds it - cold, textured metal between his warm fingers.

Click.

The door opens.

* * *

 _Paper_

* * *

The first thing Kaneki sees are the white carnations.

Everywhere - scattered across the floor, on the tables, in vases.

He accidentally steps on one - the paper petals crumble and scatter.

He treads carefully to avoid doing that again.

Would his mother be mad at him for ruining her paper flowers?

* * *

 _Asleep_

* * *

Kaneki opens the door to his mother's office quietly.

He finds her slumped onto the desk in front of her, a half-finished paper flower in between her fingers.

Maybe she's asleep?

* * *

 _Books_

* * *

Kaneki places a thin blanket over his mother's shoulders.

He retreats to his father's office and picks out one of his father's books.

The books have a crusty old smell. Kaneki turns the pages. They are stiff and yellowed.

But the book is still as magical as it was when it was sitting in a bookstore window.

And it takes Kaneki into a world of fantasy and defied physics.

* * *

 _(Not) Asleep?_

* * *

Two hours have passed before Kaneki gently closes the book and returns it to its place on the shelf.

He goes and checks on his mother.

Is she still sleeping?

* * *

 _(No) Heartbeat_

* * *

Kaneki places two fingers on her neck as he always does when his mother's asleep to assure himself that he's not alone and to brush away any morbid fantasies his imagination conjures.

He waits.

No throb.

No heartbeat.

His blood runs cold.

Truly, it cannot be.

Little Kaneki Ken stands in the same spot for twenty minutes in disbelief, with two fingers pressed on his mother's neck.

He calls the police.

* * *

 _Trail_

* * *

Tears gather in Kaneki Ken's eyes as he waits for the police to come.

The salty water blurs Kaneki's vision.

The searing, burning, pain completely annihilates him as the police officially pronounce her dead.

They have to drag him away from his home. Kaneki refuses, kicking and screaming like an animal caught in a claw trap.

But what can one little boy do against a team of armed policeman?

As they drag him away, Kaneki sees a trail of red flowers leading to his mother's office grow, and the white carnations on the floor shrivel up and rot away.

* * *

Sister

* * *

"This is your aunt, who will be taking care of you. She is the sister on your mother's side."

Kaneki swears his aunt just cringed at him.

He turns around and puts on a sad smile.

"Hello, Aunty,"

* * *

 _And the rest is for later! Yeah, I hope it wasn't crap. Please R &R._

 _A/N: Just so you know, the red flowers are spider-lilies. It is said that when someone you meet will leave you forever, a trail of spider lilies grows in that person's path._


	2. (Non) Existence

_(No) Welcome_

* * *

Kaneki Ken is given the spare bedroom.

The room is wonderful and spacious.

(It isn't)

(He wishes it was)

The wallpaper is peeling off the wall, and heavy dust clings to the air.

It is dank,

dark,

damp.

Kaneki draws aside the curtain with his pale fingers.

* * *

 _(No) Light_

* * *

It is a cloudy day today.

The light that comes through is cold and pale and grey, like an icicle.

The dust particles take form and swirl through the air.

The window reflects his aunt, standing in the doorway, with an unpleasant look in her eyes.

Kaneki doesn't see her. (He does.)

Her glare burns holes in the back of his neck.

Kaneki never thought light could be so cold.

He refuses to turn around, instead staring out the window at the dull, grey world until his aunt leaves.

* * *

 _(No) Happily Ever After_

* * *

Kaneki's mother used to read him stories until he feel asleep.

They would always end with the same line.

"And so they lived happily ever after,"

Kaneki was never used to be scared of the dark, because he knew that no matter how black and ugly the monsters were, they would be slain by the hero.

Would they?

(Which was which?)

* * *

 _(No) Sleep_

* * *

Little Kaneki is scared of the dark.

He does the only thing he knows how to do.

He sprints, barefoot, to his aunt's bed, waking her up and begging her to tell him a bedtime story.

She brushes him off and snaps at him to go back to bed.

So, he reads himself a bedtime story.

He would never wake his aunt up again.

* * *

 _(No) Cake_

* * *

The next morning little Kaneki Ken awakes, his aunt gives him an old sweater and track pants.

They are too big for him. (He says nothing.)

He walks into the kitchen and his aunt gives him half a bowl of cold porridge without so much as glancing at him.

He watches as his aunt and uncle have two pieces of chocolate cake each.

It's his fault. He shouldn't have woken her up in the middle of the night.

And so, Kaneki becomes transparent.

* * *

 _(Nuisance, Ungrateful, Waste of Money) Ignore_

* * *

Kaneki was there when his cousin arrived home.

Kaneki was there when his cousin was given presents every Christmas.

Kaneki was there when his cousin went to the zoo with his parents (without him).

But he was blurred, distorted, then removed entirely by photoshop.

He simply didn't exist.

He was a ghost, pale and thin, and quiet, and his footsteps were as silent as feathers touching down onto the ground. (They weren't)

And that is how Kaneki disappeared.

* * *

 _(Non)existent_

* * *

And that is how Kaneki stayed.

Now, he wakes up quietly, before the rest of the family, and goes off to school. Unseen, unheard.

He cannot make breakfast at home for fear of waking up his aunt and uncle, so he begins to have it at a certain coffee shop.

He comes home at dark after afternoons spent with Hide.

His aunt could care less.

When he returns, she is always asleep, and he tiptoes past her bedroom to avoid waking her.

* * *

 _Purple hair_

* * *

He likes the coffee shop.

He takes Hide there.

Hide likes it too.

Hide is the only person he really talks to now.

Thank God for him.

One morning, a certain purple haired woman walks into the coffee shop.

She will be his undoing.

* * *

 _Okay, chapter two done! Hope you like it._

 _Please, please please review (constructive criticism appreciated)._

 _Flames will be used to heat marshmallows!_


	3. (Last) Of all the Laughter

_(Last) Laughter_

* * *

"So, who's this cute girl you were talking about?"

Hide laughs and pokes teasingly at a embarrassed Kaneki, shrinking into his seat.

(Hide can't help it.)

(He's never, ever seen Kaneki so tomato red before.)

(It's hilarious.)

Kaneki goes a different shade of red.

"It's her,"

Cue the stammering.

Hide purposely talks so loud that the whole cafe could hear.

* * *

 _Once opened, Twice closed_

* * *

 _"Even some guys like you can get lucky, you know?"_

 _"She happened to like the same books as me,"_

Hide's earlier conversation with Kaneki repeats itself over, and over, and over, like a tape loop.

 _(Why can't it shut up?)_

 _(Is he jealous?)_

 _(No way, he's Kaneki's best friend.)_

 _(That would never happen.)_

 _(What crap was he thinking, anyway?)_

 _"Even some guys like you can get lucky, you know?"_

 _"She happened to like the same books as me,"_

What was wrong with that sentence?

 _"She happened to like the same books as me,"_

 _"She happened to like the same books as me,"_

 _"She happened to like the same bo_ _oks as me,"_

 _books_

 _books_

Hideyoshi Nagachika was pretty sure that Kamishiro Rize had never opened a book in the cafe before Kaneki's confession to him.

While Hide is pondering the problem, Kaneki is pondering his survival chances.

* * *

(No more Hamburgers)

* * *

(Elation.)

 _"I'm interested in you, Kaneki,"_

(Realization.)

(Shock.)

(Disbelief.)

(Fear.)

(Pain.)

(Terror.)

(Pain.)

(Screaming.)

(Pain.)

(Helpless.)

(Pain.)

(screamingmadnesspainmetalsearingpain)

(...(Blank)...)

Kaneki Ken's world goes static as he drifts into unconsciousness.

 _And when he wakes up, he won't be able to eat his favorite food anymore._

* * *

 _Yeah, this chapter was kinda (very) short._

 _You might realize that Hide's "point of view" (not really, it's told in third person) is more cheery and takes on a different form to Kaneki's. Yes, I'm introducing multiple character stuff and each will have a "different writing style" depending on how they think._

 _As for the short chapter? (I'm kinda busy now I have school) It'll get better, I promise._

 _Please review._


End file.
